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14 April 2024

IBS Reader's Poll

Looking For A Loo? Arby’s #1 In Latest IBS Assoc Restroom Survey

Chipotle ¿Chaos? – Baños Downgraded to ‘no go zone’

Solon (AP) – – Looking to make a hasty pit-stop in Solon, Ohio? You’re in luck, according to the IBS Association of Northeastern Ohio. “IBSNEO is pleased to announce the results of our coveted Necessary Room Reader’s Poll for 2020,” said chapter VP Jim Sobel. “Obviously, this is a topic our readers take very seriously and Solon boasts a range of favorable options and time-sensitive solutions. This year, I am privileged to recognize Arby’s for their commitment to inclusion. They really seem to have a handle on the horrific challenges IBS-sufferers face. For people with IBS (or heaven forbid, IBSD) the recently-remodeled Arby’s in Solon just really checked the most boxes.”

IBS Risky Business Award
“When seconds count, the bastards at Chipotle force you to wait in line to obtain a secret code from a cashier… Sometimes the combo works. Other times, I crap myself in front of 20 hungry strangers.” – #1 GuacFan, IBSD-Sufferer

“Obviously, restrooms undergo rigorous testing by our readers,” Sobel added. “Amenities are weighted according to importance. Conversely, points are subtracted for unnecessary obstacles. Let’s face it… Time is the enemy when you suffer from IBS. And also coffee. And muffins. “

Does Your Favorite Restaurant Provide Amenities That Foster A Sense Of Inclusion For The IBS Community?

  • Highway visibility
  • Convenient parking
  • Discreet side entrance
  • No purchase requirement
  • Directional signage
  • No Host/Hostess station
  • 2 restrooms, preferably Unisex
  • Paper or cloth hand towels
  • Soundproof walls
  • Floor-to-ceiling stalls
  • Sound-dampening doors
  • Pressurized flush
  • Two-ply mega roll
  • Away from food prep
  • Soothing white noise
  • Commercial-grade vents

Arby’s fended off challenges by Chick-fil-A, McDonald’s and Dunkin Donuts to grab the blue ribbon. An exciting newcomer to the Solon food scene, Wendy’s, rounded out the Top 5.

Though ineligible (privately-held), Burntwood Tavern struck a chord and received high marks for their restroom’s cleanliness and ambience. Meanwhile, Sobel warned residents to stay away from the Solon Chipotle. “That whole shady operation is a slap in the face of every American who’s ever sh*t themselves. We just want to use your facilities. We are not monsters.”

What Are Your Neighbors With IBS Saying?

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