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8:02 am EST

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14 April 2024

Avid golfers

Out of Bounds? 97% of avid golfers Cop to Peeing on Stranger’s Lawn In broad daylight

Golfers On Hilton Head A Seasonal Oddity, “Like Great Swarms of Pissing Locust”

While the sight of random people exposing themselves is hardly a new phenomenon in golf communities like those on Hilton Head Island, non-golfers would likely be shocked by the rampant, repugnant practice. The perpetrators are mostly males between the ages of 11 and 85. Men, who for the most part, would never dream of walking to their mailbox and pausing on the way back to hose down the neighbor’s bushes.

ALS Bros | golfers
Golfer in background executes a practice swing after watering the shrubbery.

So why do even the most upstanding gentleman partake?

Historians trace the practice back to 1743, when drunken Irishmen and the Amish entered into a pact to eschew the conveniences of indoor plumbing. To mark the occasion, over 200 people gathered to relieve themselves out-of-doors, in an area now known as New York City.

-Wikileaks

To this day, and every day, thousands of New Yorker’s relieve themselves in streets, alleys and ATM vestibules around the city – a practice that spread, Covid-like, to all 50 States and territories.

ALS Bros | pee
“Wasn’t us.” Marshall confronts a 5-some suspected of violating course etiquette.

Collectively, golfers recognize ‘Free Willy’ is frowned upon, though none of those surveyed indicated a willingness to stop or showed any sign of remorse. One man remarked, “It’s in our DNA. I don’t think I’d stop peeing outdoors under any circumstance.” Even this author recalls golfing with a friend who announced to a newcomer on the 1st fairway that he loved the sport because “it’s a gentleman’s game.” By the 13th hole, however, the friend had removed his shirt and was seen challenging the newcomer to a sword-fight near the cart path. True story…

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